From the beginning I am against this.
Your haughty suggestion sears through me and my instincts shout no.
My imprisoned mind thunders with rage, that I’m expected to meet your expectations.
But no one told me that what I feel has value, so I ignore my soul.
The ground drops from beneath me and i’m hollowed out.
I must swallow it down, swallow it all down.
I embrace the sickeningly familiar resignation that swoops in.
Hiding a desperate cry for help in my smile, I give what you want.
My obligation must be paid, and debt fulfilled. Isn’t this how it works?
When it’s over my insides twist in nausea, horrified at what I’ve done.
I have turned against myself. Disgusted by you, disgusted by me.
Heavy self disapproval looms, suffocating in shades of black.
World-ending shame sears through my insides with a ferocious strength.
As self reproach shreds my heart with a million screaming arrows.
I’m left empty and full of self hatred, sinking down a dark hole.
I hide out of sight, fearful of social interaction and tired of being trampled.
Wanting to be anyone but me, unable to escape my own powerlessness.